Wednesday Write-in #40


Welcome to the Wednesday Write-in!

CAKE.shortandsweet runs a write-in every week to writers to practise their skills, and get chatting to each other about their work. Everyone is welcome to join in, and the more people you tell, the more everyone will get out of it.

Prompts

blogging  ::  redhead  ::  golden days  ::  explain  ::  storm

Guidelines

There are no hard and fast rules, but here are some brief guidelines:

  • You can use the prompts as inspiration or try to work them into your story somehow. Use as many as you want.
  • When your story is done, post it online (your blog/twitter/in a comment here), tag with #wednesdaywritein if you like, and comment with a link so we can read it.
  • Please take the time to read and comment on as many other stories as you can.
  • If you want to write a poem, a script, or something completely different, feel free.

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Any questions? Otherwise, have fun writing!

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55 thoughts on “Wednesday Write-in #40

  1. `But you can’t!’

    ‘Why not? If I want a bit of a change why shouldn’t I?’

    `But why on earth would you want to ruin your lovely hair?’

    How well I remembered the golden days of my childhood and the stormy days of adolescence arguing with my mother over every little thing.

    Now history was repeating itself, only it was me trying to explain to my beautiful daughter why I suddenly felt like becoming a Vibrant Redhead.

    She was busy on her laptop and peering over her shoulder i caught the words `Mother`s lost the plot’. For a moment I wavered. After all, there were lots of other exciting colours.

    I interrupted her blogging. `OK, which do you prefer: Sunny Gold or Raven`s Wing?

    My daughter rolled her eyes at me and snickered. `Mum, do yourself a favour. Stick with Natural Gray – it suits you!’

    I sighed and studied myself in the mirror. Natural grey sighed back. For a while it had seemed a good idea, but my inner vibrant redhead would have to remain hidden. I dropped the colour chart in the bin and went back to sorting socks.

    • This is great – it’s so real! You’ve captured the voices and the characters so well, despite (or because of?) the fact that there’s so little description given. I can’t help but feel sorry for the mum, a little, and hope she goes back later to fish the colour chart out of the bin… I also think the daughter is a little bit cruel, in that unintentional way all teenage children are to their aging parents, and you’ve depicted it perfectly. Really enjoyable work.

    • I could relate to this since my mother is a dyed red head. Her hair is brown but has dyed her hair since I was a kid. I love the line “Natural grey sighed back”.

  2. HI everyone,
    Here’s mine this week.
    Patience
    I watched unseen in the doorway.
    “No I’ll explain it.”
    “Let me.”
    “I will.”
    “No.”
    Two boys battled for dominance. One was taller but the other; the little redhead seemed to hold the audience’s attention.
    “They go to hostible when they get contraptions.”
    “My mammy said you’re not apposed to go til they get worser.”
    “That’s when you go to expensive care. For babies they go to the eternity ward.”
    The little girls dressed in nurses uniforms, swaying plastic babies were growing impatient. They just wanted to get on with the game but the disagreement between the two so-called doctors was causing some ambiguity about what should happen next.
    “But where do they get the baby from?” the freckled blonde nurse demanded, rocking her baby doll in a more agitated rhythm.
    “They deliver them.”
    “No they don’t. They use biceps.”
    “Yea the nurses use the biceps to deliver the baby. Duh!”
    “When do they cut the biblical cord?” The brown haired girl was also growing impatient.
    “Wait we have to do the injection first.”
    “I heard my mammy say that they didn’t have epiduracell injections in the golden days.” The other blonde girl, the most patient of them all, sat up in her hospital bed.
    “That’s only your virgin of the story cos you don’t want an injection.”
    “No it’s not. I heard my mammy tell Mrs. Flynn. She said that nowadays they take it for granite.”
    “You are only telling lies again.”
    “No I’m not.”
    “You said Santy doesn’t come down the chimbley when everyone knows he does.”
    A storm was beginning to brew so I tiptoed away quietly leaving the professionals decide if any form of pain relief was required. I’d take advantage of the peace before my presence was noticed. It had been a long hard night.
    I followed Nuala into the kitchen and showed her the photos on my phone. She was so proud of her sister. She made me a fine cup of tea and I was nearly finished it about twenty minutes later when Tommy burst through the door.
    “Daddy!”
    “Are you having a good time.”
    “I’m playing doctors and nurses with my cousints.”
    “And tell me, are you a doctor or a patient?”
    “Well I was a doctor but Lucy didn’t want an injection so I said I’d be patient.”
    “Aren’t you very kind.”
    Tommy opened his gappy mouth and took in a deep breath of air. He was wearing a pair of shorts and a pink sweat band across his forehead distorted one of his eyebrows.
    “Let me explain. I choked on my samwich and then they did the Heineken remover and then I went to the doctor and he gave me a description.”
    “And what are you doing now?”
    “I’m going blogging. To stay fit. I can run really fast.”
    “Are you ready to go see your mammy yet?”
    “Yes! “ Tommy jumped up and down.
    “And are you ready to meet your new little sister?”

    • I giggled the whole way through this – I can just hear the children’s voices, and some of the words (so cute!) that they mix up were ones I used to mix up, too, particularly ‘hostible’ and ‘cousints’. I loved the detail about Tommy opening his gappy mouth and taking in a deep breath of air before he launches into his explanation – that’s such a well-observed description. Anyone who’s ever seen a little person give an important speech will know exactly what you mean!

      I wondered a little bit about the end – it seems to finish very abruptly. I was hoping Tommy would answer his dad’s question about whether he wanted to see his sister – I was hoping he’d say ‘No!’ 😀 Maybe it’s just the way I read it. Anyway, well done this week – I really loved this piece.

    • It’s delightful how you got all these Malapropisms in this sweet story. Very clever and very funny!

    • I had to read the words carefully and it was worth it. The language was really funny. A happy read. 🙂

    • So clever. Goodness, it would take me an age to come up with the standard dialogue for this , never mind all the humour you’ve used with the language!

  3. Pingback: Wednesday Weekly Write-In | Tessa Sheppard

    • Welcome to the group! I’m only a relative newbie here myself, but I’ve found the Cake challenge every Wednesday to be one of the best moves I could have made, writing wise. I hope you’ll enjoy taking part every week.

      I really enjoyed your story. It’s very elegantly written, and it flows beautifully around your effortless descriptions of your characters and their setting. Immediately, I got the sense of the larger world, and the wider issues at stake – your writing carries a sense of grandeur within it. Great work.

    • Welcome to Cake. I like Lyra’s optimism and belief in goodness versus E’s pessimism and knowledge of the real situation. Yet he is going along with her. I’d love to know how it turns out.

      • It’s a story idea I’ve had for awhile and I thought it would be fun to just take a snapshot of a scene, and see if I could make it meaningful and interesting. It was a lot of fun! Thank you!

      • Thanks! And yeah, he needs to not be so easily persuaded to his death. Deciding on how the conflict will happen will be fun to write. 🙂

  4. Pingback: Stems | Craig Towsley

    • As usual, I really liked this, Sam – particularly the beginning of the second paragraph, where you describe the two characters like two opposing weather systems. Amazingly descriptive and powerful language, and a really engaging conflict, make this a story that drags you in from the first word. Brilliant, as always!

    • Make sure you don’t forget your password so we don’t miss out on gems like this. Absolutely fizzing descriptions. I hope their relationship survives!

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